NEGLIGENT!

That's a nice way of putting it. Man, between the morning show, Canucks' games and a couple of columns, I've found a way to utilize the most minutes on most days. That being said, there's no excuse for not blogging for over a month, so instead of apologizing any longer, here's what's on my mind:

There's no I in Team
While the team concept is still the one that wins championships, this era of parity in the NHL has me ore interested in individuals than teams. The salary cap appears to have snuffed out any hopes of a dynasty although if the Pats can do it in the NFL, theoretically it should be possible in hockey as well. My point is this - I'm more interested in seeing an elite player than an elite team these days because the gap between individuals is bigger than the one between teams. The worst team in the league has at least a chance of beating the Stanley Cup champs because the salary cap limits how many great players you can keep together. It also means teams are forced to sign guys who make the league minimum in order to get under the cap, and these are the players that end up on the wrong side of highlight packs when they face elite talent. An era that was designed to keep teams competitive may also end up bringing back the forgotten idea of real Superstars.

Guaranteed Regurgitation
Is there anything more played out than the "guaranteed win" by a player leading into a game or a series? I'm not talking about promotions that minor league ball teams do in order to get fans out to the yard; at least those clubs are putting their money where their mouths are. I'm talking about guys like the Steelers' Anthony Smith, who "guaranteed" a win over New England this Sunday. How many times have we heard this from athletes who barely ever back it up? Joe Namath, Mark Messier... pretty short list of guys who actually step up. And what do the rest of them say when they fall flat of their faces? "I was just trying to motivate the team." Here's an idea - pick off Tom Brady twice on Sunday and take one of those to the house. I "guarantee" that will motivate your team a hell of a lot more than some empty promise with absolutely no repercussions.

Minority Report
Is the National League becoming a farm system for the AL? Yes, I'm well aware that the Cardinals and the Marlins have won World Series titles in the last five years, but all of the big names seem to be flocking to where the designated hitters hang out. The Yankees, the Red Sox, the Tigers, the Angels... they all have star power that is so rare in the NL. Don't get me wrong; I was pulling for the Rockies just like a lot of you were. But it's like going from Harry Rosen to the Bay. You can still find some nice things at the Bay, but you have to look a LOT harder.


That's it for now, but jump in with your own thoughts and I'll be posting again sooon.

Spare Some Change?

Some things will never change; Kid Rock just got arrested again for a fight in a Waffle House. But for the love of Tom Brady (who's as close to the other guy as you can get right now), can somebody change some of these rules that are tarnishing their respective games? These tweaks seem so obvious to me that I can't understand why they haven't happened yet:

NHL: 4 or 5 minutes for Blood
Is this not the most illogical rule in hockey? If a player is cut by a high-stick the penalty is more severe despite the perceived intent. So I can try to lift a guy's stick, miss and wind up in the box for twice as long as a player who's clearly reckless with the lumber? Makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. How about doling out minutes based on the actual action instead of the result? Last time I checked, you don't get five minutes in the sin bin if you rip a guy's sweater when you hold him.

CFL: Conceding Safeties and The Rouge
So let me get this straight. We create a rule that forces a team to return the ball every time it's kicked, but we still allow punters to take a knee in the endzone so that the opposition doesn't get good field position? It's boring, fans hate it and it doesn't truly reward a team for pinning it's opponent deep. Yeah, I know that you get two points and the ball as well, but if you're not going to amend the safety rule, at least make midfield the automatic field position instead of your own 40. That would make coaches think twice about conceding the deuce. And as for awarding a single point on a missed field goal, gimme a break. You shouldn't be rewarded for failing.

NFL: Allowing Coaches to call Timeouts
This rule is what's allowed the bench bosses to call timeouts a fraction of a second before a kicker attempts a field goal. If a team can get the snap and kick off before we actually hear the whistle, there's a problem. I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to freeze the kicker, but make a player on the field call for a break. Is it that tough for a coach to signal in to his team that he wants a timeout in that situation? I guarantee those timeouts get called a couple of seconds earlier, and we don't have to sit there and wonder if the game-winning attempt we just saw was legit. What happens when one of these kickers or holders gets hurt on a play that doesn't even count?

MLB: Instant Replay
I'm not talking about taking away the strike zone from the umpires. But we've had two cases in the last two weeks of players hitting homeruns and not being awarded the roundtripper. Sure, baseball is already a long game, but if the umps blow a big call on the basepads that can affect the score and the cameras catch it, I think you need the ability to get it right. Especially in the postseason. If they can do it in tennis, I think they should be able to do it in baseball.

NBA: Too Many Timeouts
Other than the 30 coaches in the Association, find me someone that doesn't agree with this one. Newsflash: these guys have all played the game since they could stand upright. They know the ball needs to go in the hoop if they're losing. Please stop sucking the life out of the little drama that currently exists in the NBA. I know it's a lot to ask to coach up your team in practice or signal something from the bench, but how about we let the guys on the court decide which play to run. Otherwise, we'll just hand you suits an X-box controller and duke it out in cyberspace.

All I Want Before Christmas...

If you like sports, this is the best time of the year. Hockey starts up, the CFL is in full swing, the NFL season has begun to take shape and playoff baseball is underway. With that in mind, here's what I'm praying for in each of the aforementioned leagues.

• Meltdown in Cowtown: I'm not sure there's anything more anticipated than Mike Keenan's first verbal dousing of the Flames. At some point the Flames will go through a drought of some sorts (every team does), and Iron Mike will explode. You think the media is Calgary is happy to have this guy replace flatliner Jim Playfair?

• UFC '07 - Ultimate Football Championship: If there is a God of Football, the Lions and Riders will hook up in the West Final in November. BC's fiesty 37-34 win in Saskatchewn was not only the best game of the CFL season, it was also the testiest (insert Jeff Pilon/AJ Gass joke here). There's nothing better than two really good teams that don't like each other, and the battle to represent the West in the Grey Cup could be a streetfight with highlights.

• Winners Only: IF the Patriots and Cowboys win this week, it sets up a matchup of 5-0 teams in week 6. If the Pats win that game and the rest on their October sked, they'll head into Indianapolis where the Colts may also be undefeated. All of the dominoes have to fall into place, but to see Moss vs TO in Dallas and then Brady vs Manning with perfect records on the line... you will need a taser to get me away from the LCD.
  

• The Bronx is Burning: If Alex Rodriguez rips it up in the postseason, will the fans forget all of his poor past playoffs? It would be just like Yankees' fans to worship at the A-Rod altar after verbally burning effigies of him on radio talk shows and in the New York dailies. It'd be nice to see the Yankees NOT win the World Series, but for A-Rod to hit .500 in October. Then who will they blame?
  

I'm also looking forward to Van Halen's Vancouver stop, the next Indiana Jones and the imminent cancellation of the Cavemen tv series, but I digress. You want to tell me what's on your wish list for the near future, drop me a comment.

A Simple Plan

Here was a rule in my high school and probably yours as well. If you were going to have a party at your house, you checked to see if anyone else was having a party that same night. That way, you didn't end up with chips, dips and dorks in a virtually empty house on that rare Saturday night when your parents were out of town. Pretty simple, right?

So why do so many teams have trouble with their scheduling?

I know. There's building availability and broadcasters to worry about, but some of these games just boggle your mind.

For example... the Vancouver Giants want a packed house for their home opener this year. They'll raise their Memorial Cup banner and blow the doors off with their game presentation. So why would the Giants allow the WHL to slot them at the same time and on the same night that the Lions host the Calgary Stampeders in a pivotal West division showdown? Sure it's a Saturday night and both games should be well-attended, but a lot of people who attend Lions games also go to the Giants. Why should they have to choose? Plus, for a game like that, you want all of the media focus on your team. Instead, it will be split.

It's like the braintrust in Montreal deciding to play last Sunday's Lions/Als game at the same time the NFL kicked off it's opening weekend. Great decision; I'm sure no one will be watching the most popular league in North America that day. How many viewers and potential fans were lost? Could the game not have been played on Saturday or Friday? It's going to be tough to get a date with a girl when you show up with your good-looking, successful, single friend that she's always had a crush on. Same principle applies here.

Sure I understand that at some point you have to say "we're not going to let other events dictate what we do", but these examples seem pretty straight forward to me. And that's why I won't schedule my big press conferences to coincide with any of Britney's Comeback Tour dates. I need the publicity.

The 3 C's: Convick, Cuts and Canucks

What's up cyber sports fans? Spent the past week getting used to my new schedule as a regular columnist for Metro here in Vancouver, but now that I know the ropes, I'm good to fit it all in on a regular basis. Here's what's on my mind these days:

1) Michael Vick came across as being fairly genuine at his press conference today, but it's going to take some time before he can convince me and the rest of the general public that he's actually sorry. Time heals all wounds, and Vick had better use that time (most likely in the slammer) to actually UNDERSTAND what he did wrong. Right now, most of us just think you're sorry you got caught, Mike. That can change, but not overnight. Start thinking about what you want to represent when you get out of prison while you hammer out those license plates.

2) I love the CFL. But only in the Canadian Football League would a team honor two guys that were cut in training camp just three months earlier. That's the case with former Ti-Cats Mike Morreale and Rob Hitchcock, who will be saluted during this weekend's Labour Day game at Ivor Wynne. What's the message here? "Guys, you're not good enough to play on this team, but damn, you used to be good!" Here's an idea: don't bring them to camp. If you're really not sure that these "all-time greats" can even make the roster, do the right thing by telling them before they get the axe. If one of the other 7 teams really believes they can still play, they'll find a camp to go to. And to honor them just three months later seems way too weird.

3) People are already complaining about the Canucks' new look before the jersey unveiling on Wednesday. They're upset that Johnny Canuck wasn't used and that the Orca logo is still involved instead of the stick in the rink. They're more focussed on the logo than the overall look of the jersey. Have you seen the jerseys the Canucks have worn for most of their existence? Their yellow jerseys were some of the worst in the history of sports. This team had a third jersey that appeared to be salmon in colour. And the most recent ones were passable, but barely. Canucks' fans should just thank their lucky stars that management decided to use the blue, green and white colour scheme. To me, the logo isn't that big of a deal if you've got good colours, as long as it isn't so offside that it draws all of the attention (and this one doesn't). And as for those who can't believe that the stick-in-the-rink isn't the primary logo, are you looking at the same thing I am? I'm all about simplicity, but it's just not a great logo.

That's it for now, I'll check in with you later in the week. By the way, the movie Superbad is Super Good. Not really suitable for the minors in crowd, but I laughed out loud too many times to count.

Those Taking Ames are Way off Target

Am I the only one who can't believe all of the uproar about Mike Weir's selection to the President's Cup team? I know they're celebrating out East, but why is everyone in the West bitching about Stephen Ames not getting the nod ahead of Weir?

International captain Gary Player made the choice, saying he was basing it on history, not just recent history. He cited Weir's performance at the past 3 President's Cups, the fact that he has won 7 times on tour and there's that major that Weir won as well. I think they call it the Masters.

But all day today I hear people whining about the fact that Ames isn't on the squad. They throw out all of the stats from this year; the money list, the world rankings, the comparative performance in the majors and scream, "INJUSTICE!!".

But this is anything but a penalty stroke on Player's part. The bottom line is this: both Weir and Ames had an opportunity to play themselves onto this team and neither did it. The top 10 international players automatically qualify, and both finished well out of the top 10. Ames was 16th while Weir was 20th. So if you want to complain that Weir hasn't played well enough to tee it up in Montreal this Fall, then use the same argument for Ames. I don't hear anybody in Canada talking about Andres Romero, the kid from Argentina who nearly won the British Open and was the 12th ranked player among internationals. If you want to cry about Weir being on the team, use Romero as your poster boy for getting screwed, not Ames.

And you actually believe that "Eastern bias" or marketing of the event came into account, you're on the pipe. Gary Player isn't from Toronto, he's from South Africa. And as for ticket sales, Tiger Woods was going to pack the place even if there wasn't a Canadian competing. Get real.

I would have been fine with Ames getting picked just as I'm fine with Weir. Personally, I actually am more partial to Ames than Weir as a person. But this is the reason the captain has some discretion. So that his hands aren't tied after the top 10 and he can take whatever factors he feels are important into account.

Gary Player had a choice to make and he made it. I'm pretty sure he's more concerned about winning this tournament more than selling tickets. Canada should be happy that there's a Canadian on the team, not complaining about the Canuck that was selected.

What I Think I Know...

Man, mix a busy week with the Lions with a vacationing co-host, and you quickly realize there's not much time to blog! Sorry for the two-week hiatus, but here's what I think know right now:

1) If last week's loss was as bad as the BC Lions are going to look all year, the rest of the CFL is in trouble. The Roughriders have been the next best team in the league to the Leos thus far, but could only manage a 21-9 win at BC Place. Hey, I know that a win is a win, but the Lions had 2 QB's, their top run-stopping linebacker, 2 starters in the secondary and a starting slotback on the shelf. And they were still in this game until the final minutes. Watch out if they get healthy - especially if they get Dave Dickenson back. The Leos are still a league-best 5-1 out of the gate...

2) I'm sick of the yearly Holdout Harem in the NFL. Brady Quinn finally signed a contract today after missing 10 days of training camp. Am I the only one who watched him free-fall on draft day? Why would he not get his a$$ to training camp ASAP and prove that he was overlooked instead of busting bicep curls in the gym? Jamarcus Russell continues to play hardball with Al Davis even though Daunte Culpepper just swiped his gig as opening day starter in Oakland. Hey, I know these guys (and the other holdouts) had great college stats and combine scores. But we've seen "can't miss" prospects implode numerous times before. Maybe instead of trying to nail down another $50K in your ROOKIE CONTRACT, these guys should bust a call to Ryan Leaf, Akili Smith or Tim Couch and try to figure out what went wrong for them. If you're as good as you think you are, prove it.

3) Hate him if you want, but Rory Sabbatini is good for golf. Sure he's called out Tiger on a couple of occasions this year and been put in his place (including getting smoked on the weekend at the Bridgestone), but that smacktalk is the only thing that's brought out the best in Tiger all year. Face it - Tiger Woods is at a point in his career where NOBODY presents a consistent challenge for him. When Phil Mickelson is at his best (which is seemingly NEVER in the past year), he might be the only guy with enough talent to give Tiger a run for his money. But dominance can very easily lead to complacency; if there's no one there to push you (OR PUSH YOUR BUTTONS), you don't push yourself as hard. I hope Sabbatini continues to spout off. It stirs up the PGA which is far too vanilla on most occasions, and it might be the only thing that pushes Tiger to amaze us in the near future.

4) Gary Bettman officially hates Jim Balsillie. How else do you explain the quick and tidy purchase of the Tampa Bay Lightning by a group headed up by Doug Maclean? As far as the public knew, the Lightning weren't for sale (the Preds are), there weren't multiple offers (there are for the Preds) and the sale appears to be smooth and easy for less money than Balsillie was offering for the Nashville franchise. Yes, you'd better drink the Kool-Aid the NHL is serving up because Bettman isn't about to lend a helping hand to those that aren't using theirs to pat him on the back.

5) Tom Brady continues to lead the list of athletes I'd want to change places with for a month or two. He just turned 30 the other day and check this out:
- He's already won 3 Super Bowl (and 2 Super Bowl MVP's)
- His past and present girlfriends include actress Bridget Monahan and supermodel Gisele
- He's just been named World's Best Dressed Man by Esquire Magazine

Throw in the fact that he plays the most challenging position in all of sports in a great city like Boston, and what else do you want?

That's it for now, but you know there's still more stuff I think I know... I just don't know it yet.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

Well, we finally have our answer - THIS is what it takes for Gary Bettman to look good as Commissioner of the NHL:

- the NBA Gambling Scandal which has called into question the integrity of the entire operation; the dress code doesn't seem like such a big deal right now, does it?

- Michael Vick's despicable (allegedly) actions related to dogfighting; the NFL hasn't had any recent legal problems amongst its players, right?

- Bud Selig's refusal (until Tuesday night) to be in attendance for Barry Bonds allegedly tainted homerun record chase

Yep, as long as a firestorm hits every other pro sport in the US, Bettman comes up smelling like roses. Well, sort of... Gary is facing some allegations himself (which he has denied, not surprisingly). Jim Balsillie, the guy who put up $238 million to buy the Predators, and his lawyer aren't real happy with the way things went down in Nashville. In fact, Balsillie's lawyer has accused Bettman of emailing Preds' owner Craig Leipold and telling him not to continue dealing with Balsillie.

Is that really something that Bettman should be doing? Just because he wants to keep that franchise buried in Nashville or at least somewhere south of the 49th, should he actually be influencing the decision of the owner of a private franchise? Kind of makes you wonder what Bettman has promised Leipold since Balsillie's bid was worth $50 MILLION MORE than the highest competing offer.

I'm not exactly Warren Buffett, but if someone wants to buy my car for $500 more than the other guy who's interested, I'm already trying to figure out just how loud I'll be able to crank up my new surround sound system. Something stinks here, and it's not Bettman's breath. Especially when you consider that Bettman could easily find a way to block the sale in the end. We've already seen how much power he wields among the NHL Board of Governors when the voting came down on the current unbalanced schedule.

But all of this is flying under the radar right now because Sidney Crosby isn't into dogfighting, Bill McCreary isn't fixing playoff games, and Martin Brodeur isn't accused of being on the juice as he looks to rewrite every goaltending record in the book.

Yep, all Bettman needs is a year full of soap operas in the NFL, NBA and MLB and he'll probably be in line for a contract extension.

I Can See Clearly Now?

In the last 21 months, Dave Dickenson has had his bell rung so often you'd think Quasimodo was lining up against him on a nightly basis. And after this latest concussion in Saskatchewan, the question must be asked: Should Dickenson retire?

This isn't a Buck Pierce campaign. In fact, the question is posed out of respect for Dickenson, as he is far more than a quarterback, a football player or a professional athlete. He is an extremely cerebral individual who could take on a variety of careers upon retirement. He is a husband. He is a father.

But only Dickenson knows just how foggy his CFL future is. Sure there are tests that will be performed to evaluate just how long the road to recovery will be, but only DD can truly gauge how efficiently his mind is functioning. And after talking to Hall of Famer Matt Dunigan, who was forced to retire after countless concussions, the only thing that is clear about head injuries is that honesty has to be the best policy. There is simply too much at stake to play the tough-guy role in trying to get back on the field at all costs. In fact, Dunigan finally told his doctor in Hamilton to treat him the way he would treat his own son when it came to advising the strong-willed pivot about getting back under centre. And though he did hang 'em up at that point, he still suffers the effects of a career filled with head-shots.

But after talking with Dickenson on Monday, I don't believe he should call it quits just yet. He is one of the smartest players I've ever met on and off the field, and he understands what is at stake if he puts on that jersey again. That said, I believe Dickenson should talk to his family and decide when enough is enough. If he suffers another noggin-knocker this season, he should call it quits. Life is way to short to forget about while you're still living.

I Spy With My little Eye...

As I try to settle back into the North American lifestyle after 3 weeks in Europe, here's some random observations from my first week back on the job:

- Good on Dave Nonis for NOT signing Bill Guerin. Could he have improved the Canucks offence? Yep. Could he have been a good triggerman for the Sedins? Yessiree. But there is NO WAY that he fits either the Canucks' salary structure nor their future plans at $4.5 million per season. Yeah, Canucks' fans, I know that you want to see Nonis do something bigger than signing Byron Ritchie and Brad Isbister. But mark my words, he will do something and my gut says that you'll see a trade before the end of the summer in an effort to upgrade the offense.

- Over the past 20 games or so, the BC Lions have had the most dominating defense that I'VE EVER SEEN IN THE CFL. I'm an offensive guy and love nothing more than seeing points go up on the board, but I am blown away by the BC D. This defense gave up 30+ points only ONCE last year (32, week 2 vs Sask) and have allowed 20 points or less in 7 of their last 8 games at home dating back to last season. And here's the scary thing: I think they're even better this year than they were in '06.

- Barry Bonds continues to amaze me with his utter lack of respect for the people who fork out their hard-earned cash to pay his salary. The ONLY people in North America who don't boo the guy every time he wakes up in the morning are San Francisco Giants fans. Yet Bonds won't even attempt to repay them by taking part in tomorrow's Homerun Derby IN SAN FRANCISCO. Any other ballpark and I give him a pass. But turning down the derby at Pac Bell Park is the equivalent of dropping his pants at home plate and mooning the crowd, especially after San Fran fans stuffed ballot boxes to make sure he was in the Mid Season Classic.

- Maybe Canada should have played its FIFA U-20 World Cup matches at Swangard Stadium in Burnaby instead of in Edmonton. Everyone who's been to a match agrees that Swangard has never looked better and that the event has been first-class all the way in Burnaby. Hopefully that leads to more internationals at Swangard while we wait for Greg Kerfoot and company to cut through the ridiculous red tape that city officials throw at them as they attempt to build a new waterfront stadium in downtown Vancouver. Safe injection sites, no problem. Brand new stadium on someone else's dime, not so fast there, buddy. Kind of makes you wonder.

- Tony Parker and Eva Longoria got married in Paris earlier this weekend. She is by far the most interesting person to put on a Spurs uniform since Dennis Rodman. If Parker can keep both her and Greg Popovich happy, I say send him in to make peace in the Middle East.

TRAVELLIN' MAN

Time to check in from Europe, so here's the Coles Notes: Arrived in Vienna on June 9th and have been wandering around the continent ever since. Here's an extremely brief rundown of the journey to date...

AUSTRIA

Vienna's a great city. Tonnes of sightseeing to do and a lot of it is guarenteed to impress. Stephansdome, the Rathaus and Schonbrun have been my favorites to date. They also play American football here - my QB from UBC, Shawn Olson, is the co-head coach of the team (and this year's Offensive Coordinator at SFU). Not bad entertainment as their fans get into the game and they have a cool beergarden afterwards. I was also served the largest plate of ribs I have ever seen in Vienna, as well as the largest Cordon Bleu. They may have to roll me home.

Salzburg is also very cool. Way different geography than Vienna, and way different feel. My buddy AC and I visited the brewery in Salzburg so that was our "Sound of Music". It was, like most breweries in Europe, started by monks, so we deemed it a religious experience. Salzburg is also on the German border and very near to "The Eagle's Nest", which was built as a prvate retreat for Hitler. Instead of destroying it, they kept it as a historic site (not a tribute, but more for tourist and info purposes). Make time to go there as it is right on top of a mountain and worth the visit if only for the views.

GERMANY

Only had a couple of days here, but they were good ones. Munich is the self-proclaimed home of beer and a visit to the Beer Museum and Hofbrauhaus seemed to validate that. We also made a quick trip to Neushwanstein, the reallife castle that the castle at Disneyland is based on. The guy who had it built in the mid-late 1800's was declared insane, but this pad must have been the inspiration for MTV's "Cribs" - it is PIMPIN'!!!!!

CZECH REPUBLIC - PRAGUE

Again, only a short visit, but well worth it. The Castle and Cathedral that defines it is intimidating to say the least, and the views from the Great South tower in St Vitus Cathedral made the 287 stairs worth the trip (although AC might disagree as a 6'4", 300lb man doesn't easliy fit up a small winding staircase!). The river and accompanying bridges provide welcome vistas of the historical part of Prague, and the narrow, winding streets make it a cool place to get lost. Did not see Jan Bulis here - obviously a major disappointment.

No more time to post but I will update you on Croatia and Italy when I get a chance. back in saddle on July 3rd, so until then... CIAO!

The Final Countdown

Yes, that's right. I'm off to Europe as of tomorrow night. A nice jaunt through the Central part of the Continent will undoubtedly find me refreshed as we kick off another CFL season and begin preparations for the Canucks' defense of the Pacific Division crown.

But before I begin my reenactment of the role of Rusty in European Vacation, a few final thoughts.

- So what has the Ducks' win taught us about the "New NHL"? Not much. Carolina won the first post-hiatus Cup with a completely different type of team than Anaheim. The Canes were loaded up front, feasible on the back-end, and wet behind the ears in goal. The formerly Mighty Fowl had a former Conn Smythe winner in net, a pair of Norris trophy winners, and a potpourri of talent for forwards. All we know is that there is NO SECRET FORMULA involved in winning a Stanley Cup, but it sure helps to stay healthy. That should be good news around the NHL, as team's that don't have [insert asset here] aren't condemned to the basement on opening night. Teams and fans can be optimistic for completely different reasons.

- Did the NBA's competition committee OD on stupid pills? They just rejected the idea of amending the rule that landed Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw in the stands for Game 5 of the Western semi against the Spurs. Apparently, getting stopped by your coaches before you even get near a scrum that has formed because your best player was just clobbered in a moment of senseless frustration is a still a suspendable offence. Next up for the committee: forming a rule that would limit the size of chalk cloud that players like Kevin Garnett and Lebron James could create when drying their hands before a game. Those fumes could be toxic, right?

- The guy who ratted out Michael Vick last week actually tried to make a case for dogfighting. He says that people support the UFC, so they should give dogfighting a chance. Hey jackass: the fighters in UFC are choosing to step into the ring; they aren't being bred to kill another member of their species. And no one has ever died in the Octagon. Please take a long walk off a short pier.

And with that brief offering, I'm off to Europe. I'll keep you posted on my travels every once in awhile, as I don't want a massive wave of depression to strike the Lower Mainland.

Keep it safe, keep it real, and keep on rockin' in the free world.

Kobe's Beef

By now you've heard the news. Kobe Bryant says he wants off of the Lake Show. He says he feels betrayed by the organization as a "Lakers Insider" went on record with the "Kobe forced Shaq out of LA" blast. Kobe also says he was lied to about the direction the team was going when he resigned.

Let me break this down for you. Kobe Bryant isn't going anywhere. In fact, I don't think he wants to go anywhere.

For starters, he's wanted to be "the man" in LA the whole time. Bryant today revealed that owner Jerry Buss told him that there was no way that he was going to resign Shaq in 2004; that it was simply way too much money for a player of Shaq's age and physical condition. That may be true, but Kobe didn't exactly stand up and say, "You can't get rid of him. If he goes, I go." Instead, Kobe resigned with the Lakers after weighing offers from other teams around the league that summer.

As for the lying about rebuilding the team, I think he's telling the truth, but actions speak louder than words. Shaq was traded Miami for Lamar Odom, Caron Butler, Brian Grant and a 1st round pick BEFORE Kobe put pen to paper on his deal in LA. Did he think that trio was going to bring another championship to LA? Yet there was Kobe, signing his contract shortly after the trade, and that contract has further hamstrung the Lakers. At an average of nearly $20 million per year for Kobe with a luxury tax threshold of around $60 million at the time, how were the Lakers going to pay any quality players to play with him?

The result? A predictable 3 years of frustration. The Lakers have been a fringe playoff team ever since, and now Kobe says he wants out. Well, it's not going to happen.

First of all, there's no one outside of Dwayne Wade and Lebron James that would be equal value for Kobe. And the thought of getting a few players back and making the team better is noble, but star power sells seats in LA.

This is about one thing - getting Jerry West back in the fold. West might be the only executive in the league that Kobe trusts right now, and his history of success is well documented. West's return would spell the end for the Lakers current GM, Mitch Kupchak, and based on the deals he's made since the summer of 2004, he deserves to be shown the door. Like trading Caron Butler (you remember him from the Shaq deal) to the Wizards for Kwame Brown. Butler has become an all-star, while Brown has been both injured and insignificant.

So don't worry, Kobe fans. You don't need to retire that yellow #24 jersey just yet. Expect Bryant to be there when the season starts in late October. Just don't expect to see the same front office.

And They're Off

If you, like me, have been critical of the NHL's shortsighted decision to go with NBC instead of ESPN the past couple of seasons, then your frustration probably reached new levels on Saturday.

Here's the scene. Game 5: Ottawa and Buffalo heading to overtime in what could be a series clinching win for the Senators. While this is great from a hockey fan's perspecitve, NBC execs don't exactly see it that way. That's because they're committed to televising the Preakness, the second leg of Horse Racing's Triple Crown. The two events are now going to overlap.

The decision is simple for the Peacock. We're off to the Preakness. Why? Because it gets better ratings and brings in far more advertising money than the NHL. Fair enough. I can understand the rationale.

What I can't understand is why the problem even exists. Because the ONLY reason that the hockey game was being played at 2pm Eastern time (11am Pacific) is that NBC wanted it that way. And that's why you didn't get your Hockey NIGHT in Canada. NBC wanted an afternoon game, so they got it.

"Well, that makes sense," you respond. "NBC probably pays big money for the TV rights, so they have the right to influence the schedule." That's when I inform you that NBC pays absolutely nothing for the rights. In fact, the only way the NHL gets money from NBC is if the Peacock makes money off of hockey. Then they throw a few coins into the NHL's hat as they pass by a begging Bettman on the corner.

Did we miss the overtime here in Canada? No. We still had CBC.

But here's why you should be pissed off. Because unlike NBC, YOU ARE CURRENTLY PAYING THE NHL MONEY FOR BROADCAST RIGHTS. CBC pays tens-of-millions of dollars every year (soon it will be $100 million/year) for the right to televise Hockey Night in Canada. Guess who funds CBC? You do, Joe Taxpayer. But despite the fact that CBC is lining the NHL's pockets and NBC pays NOTHING, Bettman has allowed our friends south of the border to dictate the schedule.

So let me get this straight. NBC decides to cut to the Preakness because horse racing makes them more money than hockey. So why would the NHL not allow CBC to have the final say on the time of game 5? After all, the Corp is paying the bills so shouldn't they be given the right to make some of those millions back by airing the game at the most lucrative time?

It's an absolute joke. To allow a station to alter your schedule at the most important time of the year and then they don't even air the conclusion of the game... well, quite frankly it's exactly what you saw those beautiful equines drop all over the track at the Preakness on Saturday.

Chicken Stu

TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH WHAT THE NBA DID WITH RESPECT TO SUSPENSIONS YESTERDAY. BUT I WILL.

ROBERT HORRY GETS A PAIR OF GAMES - ONE GAME FOR HIS FLATTENING OF STEVE NASh, THE OTHER FOR STRIKING RAJA BELL ABOVE THE SHOULDERS IN THE ENSUING SCRUM.

AS FOR THE SUNS, BOTH AMARE STOUDEMIRE AND BORIS DIAW WILL WATCH GAME 5 AS THEY EACH GET AN AUTOMATIC GAME FOR LEAVING THE BENCH. DID THEY DO ANYTHING? NO. BUT THE RULE IS CLEAR AS DAY. YOU LEAVE THE BENCH, YOU GET SUSPENDED. THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NO GREY AREA. OR IS THERE?

THE SUNS MAY ACTUALLY HAVE A CASE HERE. IN THE FIRST HALF OF GAME 4, SAN ANTONIO's FRANCISCO ELSON THREW DOWN A DUNK AND WAS INADVERTANTLY UNDERCUT BY JAMES JONES WHO WAS TRYING TO GET UP COURT. TIM DUNCAN AND BRUCE BOWEN BOTH LEFT THE BENCH. DUNCAN, IN FACT, CAME ONTO THE COURT. IN REVIEWING THE MATTER, THE LEAGUE SAID THE RULE DIDN’T APPLY BECAUSE THE ELSON-JONES SITUATION WAS NOT CONSIDERED TO BE AN INCIDENT. BUT THE FACT REMAINS – 2 PLAYERS LEFT THE SPURS BENCH BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY PERCEIVED TO BE A BLATANT CHEAP SHOT ON THEIR TEAMMATE. HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THE SUNS WERE DOING?

WATCH THE REPLAY OF THE HORRY ALTERCATION. YES, STOUDEMIRE AND DIAW START TOWARD THE SCRUM, BUT THEY NEVER ACTUALLY GET THERE. IN FACT, THEY ARE RESTRAINED BY THEIR COACHES LONG BEFORE THEY GET THERE. THEY DID NOT ESCALATE THE SITUATION IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. SO WHY SUSPEND THEM??

THIS IS A COP OUT TO ME. STU JACKSON DECIDED TO INTERPRET THE SITUATION IN ONE CASE BUT NOT THE OTHER. HAD THERE BEEN NO OTHER INCIDENT TO SPEAK OF, JACKSON WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL WITHIN HIS RIGHTS AS LEAGUE DISCIPLINARIAN TO GIVE BOTH STOUDEMIRE AND DIAW A TIMEOUT. BUT THIS SMACKS OF FAVORITISM AND NOW THREATENS THE INTEGRITY OF THE BEST SERIES THIS YEAR'S PLAYOFF HAD TO OFFER.

Those Towels Aren't for Crying

Well, you knew the Canucks season was going to end at some point. And if you don't consider this year a successful one, think back to where this team was a year ago.

Yes, there will be plenty of Canucks news to come this summer, but in the meantime, dial up a few other sporting events. Here's 5 things you should be paying attention to right now:

1. Vancouver Giants
The G-men are on the verge of winning back-to-back WHL Championships and for the second straight year they'll be in the Memorial Cup. And to boot, you can check it out live as Vancouver plays host to the CHL's Final Four beginning May 18th. It's not the NHL, but many hockey fans will tell you it's far more entertaining. More hitting, more chances, more fighting for less money. Pretty tough to beat.

2. Steve Nash
Even if he doesn't win the MVP award for a 3rd straight year (which he should!!!), Nash has the Phoenix Suns in prime position to win an NBA Championship. The Suns play the most entertaining brand of hoops in the NBA (think Buffalo Sabres of basketball) and the reason is a skinny little kid from Victoria, BC. To put in perspective what Nash is doing, try to imagine the chances of a kid from Mexico City racking up the most assists in the league, winning back-to-back Hart Trophies, and leading his team down the road to a Stanley Cup. PVR every game and burn it onto DVD; this won't happen to another Canadian in our lifetimes.

3. Swords and Sens
The rematch of last year's 2nd round series just might be the best the playoffs has to offer this year. Ottawa and Buffalo are arguably the two most entertaining teams in the NHL and now they'll go head-to-head in the Eastern Conference Final. Toss in the fact that they chucked plenty of knuckles in back-to-back battles in February and you've got the makings of one hell of a series. Plus Ray Emery just threw gas on the fire by ripping the city of Buffalo two days ago. Lets get ready to rumble.

4. BC in the Bigs
Justin Morneau won the American League MVP last year. Jason Bay was the NL Rookie of the Year two years ago. And those are just two of the numerous big leaguers that hail from beautiful British Columbia. There's Ryan Dempster who's off to a great start as the Cubs' closer. Southpaw starter Jeff Francis of the Colorado Rockies. And young guns Rich Harden and Adam Loewen, who will both be back despite suffering a setbacks due to injury. These BC buds are just a few of the reasons that BC baseball is smokin'.

5. Spring Swingers
Yeah, I know the US Open is a month away, but the world's best clubbers are starting to rev up for the toughest stretch of the season - the summer. The Players Championship goes this weekend and PGA Players treat this tourney like a major. Heck, it's worth watching just to see the top players in the world drop a few in the drink on TPC Sawgrass' 17th. Two years ago, Bob Tway (who's won a major before) fired a 12 on the island hole. It might be sick, be there's something fun about watching that.

No Commons Sense

This just shows you where politics in this country are really at. What a joke that Jack Layton, Gilles Duceppe and Stephane Dion have decided to throw Shane Doan under a bus just to gain a fleeting moment of support.

A year and a half ago, linesman Michael Cormier alleged that Doan uttered a slur against Francophones while skating by him. Doan denies that incident ever occurred. The nhl investigated the allegations and deemed that doan did nothing wrong.

The issue was dead until the opposition parties in the House of Commons decided to bring it up on Monday. They feel that Doan is an unfit captain for Team Canada at the World Championships. They even suggested it cast a shadow on the Canadian team.

First of all, the notion that Doan even made these remarks is absurd to me. I know him personally and I personally guarantee that he did no such thing. His teammates bug this guy on a regular basis because he says “fudge” instead of four-letter words, and you want to label him anti-French? And if that’s not good enough, he was investigated by the league and cleared of any and all allegations of wrongdoing!!!

Secondly, the fact that these mud-slinging opposition leaders have no bigger issues to tackle than the captaincy of Team Canada makes me wonder why we even pay the salaries of these clowns. This is how you spend your time???

“Hey guys, maybe tomorrow we can do some digging into Ghandi’s past… I think this whole 'world peace' thing was a cover.”

I wonder why people in this country are so jaded on the political process?

Newsflash- we have actual problems in this country. When you finish with Health Care, unresolved Land Claims and pollution, give me a call. But do us all a favour and deal with some of the issues you were elected to resolve. Because it's tough to clean up this country's problems with mud all over your hands.

Not Ducked Quite Yet

Call me crazy (and I'm sure many of you will), but having watched the Canucks lose 5-1 in Anaheim, I actually think they have a better chance of winning this series than I did 24 hours ago. Before you ready the straightjacket, just hear me out.

The Canucks had plenty of chances. No, they didn't bury them, but the Ducks were ceratinly not suffocating defensively. Maybe 7 games with the Stars convinced me that Markus Naslund would need to trade his first-born for his club to get offensive opportunites, but it appears as though Anaheim will afford the Nucks more chances to score than Dallas did. Vancouver could easily have scored 4 goals in Game 1. Just ask Henrik Sedin.

Roberto Luongo can be better. I know he's the best goalie on the planet right now, so don't send hate mail. But despite a number of Luongo-like saves, I think most people who've followed this team all year would admit that he can raise his game another level from the opener. He has the ability to shut the door on any team, even one as talented as Anaheim that generates numerous chances each night. This guy is bulletproof when he's at his best.

Black-and-Blueline. Yes, injuries are part of the playoffs. But take Pronger and O'Donnell out of Anaheim's lineup and see how well they fare in their own end. I know. Neither Bieksa nor Salo is Chris Pronger, but the effect on the blueline is comparable. If numbers 3 and 6 can return in a hurry, the Ducks will have fewer quality chances to beat #1. And both d-men can provide offense that would help a powerplay that went 0-7 in game 1.

Now even if all of these things happen, the Canucks might be putting into a cup instead of raising one in the near future. All I'm saying is that they aren't as much an underdog as I originally anticipated. I still think Anaheim is the team to beat in the series, but having witnessed the opener, I'll be less surprised if Nucks pluck the Ducks.

Lucky #7

It could be Seventh Heaven for Canucks' fans tonight. Or the 'Nucks could commit the Seventh deadly sin in a series in which they've been fatally flawed on a number of occasions.

But here's the thing; outside of injuries, I'm convinced that none of the previous six games have anything to do with game 7.

Because for every argument you can make, there is a valid counter-argument. For example:

1. Dallas has all of the momentum. True. Having won games 5 and 6, the Stars should be confident heading into Game 7. But a similar momentum didn't result in a Canucks' win last Thursday when the locals had their first opportunity to clinch the series. And it didn't help the Canucks back in '04 after winning a triple-overtime thriller in Cowtown. They still lost Game 7.

2. Marty Turco has been unbeatable. Looks that way doesn't it? Turco has 3 shutouts this series (tying an NHL playoff record for a 7 game set) and he may actually have been better in the games in which he allowed goals. But Luongo has been as good or better than Turco and here's an interesting stat to consider. The Stars have not won a game in which the Canucks have scored. Will Turco shut them out again? Maybe, but I'm guessing no.

3. The Stars have shone in Vancouver. Dallas has won 2 of the 3 games in Vancity and narrowly missed winning the third as well. Plus the Canucks have dropped the last two game 7's they've played at the Garage. But history tells us that home is generally sweet. In fact, home teams have won around 64% of seventh games in the NHL playoffs.

You get the picture. So much happens over a seven-game series that when the 7th game evetually rolls around, you can make an argument for either team based on what has happened to this point. But the beauty of the playoffs is that it doesnt matter what you've done. It only matters what you do tonight. If the Canucks advance, do you really think people will harp on the fact that the Sedins have been invisible too often or that the powerplay is 1-for-28 in the first 6 games? Those stats and arguments are for teams that lose. And you can expect to hear them a lot if Vancouver bows out.

Does Rintoul Stack Up?

A fool and his tummy are soon parted. That's the moral of today's story.

For those of you who don't know, my morning producer, T-mart, and I made a bet earlier this week on Game 3 of the Wings/Flames series. T-mart, an unabashed Flames fan, would have to eat yogurt (which he has never tried and is admittedly frightened of) if the Flames fell at home. If they won, I agreed to ingest the biggest and greasiest fast-food burger T-mart could find. He decided on the BK Quad Stacker: four patties, four slices of cheese and 8 strips of bacon.
Thanks to a couple of rare gaffes by Niclas Lidstrom, you can see who lost the bet. But I wasn't that worried. Because even though I don't eat much fast food anymore, the Whopper had been my favorite growing up. This couldn't be that different, right?


Just after noon earlier today, T-mart and I approached the register and he ordered the burger.

"1 Quad Stacker and 2 diet cokes, please."

"Two diet cokes and what?" responded the cashier. She wasn't a trainee. She obviously had never had anyone order this monstrosity before. Another cashier came over to help her find the correct button to ring it in. (For future reference, if the company is advertising a burger on the sign behind the register, but the cashier has never even heard of it, it's probably a bad investment.)

During this time, I had engaged another cashier in conversation as I wanted to wear the Burger King crown while I completed my task. She wondered why I wanted the crown, so I explained that I had lost a bet and had to eat a Quad Stacker as a result.

"A what?" she asked. 2 of 3 regulars had never even heard of the calorie-fest I was about to devour. Not good. When I pointed out the picture on the sign, her only reply was, "Good luck with that, buddy."

A couple of minutes later, it was time for business. With T-mart snickering in the background with camera-phone in hand, I took my first massive bite (not that easy considering the height of the creation).

All I could taste was bacon. But it wasn't that bad overall. A couple more giant chomps and I was no longer tasting bacon - just four flame-broiled patties smothered in cheese.

T-mart was getting pretty giddy about that time as he himself was a bit freaked out by the asthetics of the Stacker. You can see by this picture that it's not the most appealing entree that you've ever cast your eyes on. It doesnt taste bad, but it's a whole lotta burger. And I'm not a whole lotta person.

But a bet is a bet, and I was determined to live up to my end of the bargain. At one point, I'm pretty sure that T-mart felt bad for me as I shovelled this mass of ground beef, bacon and cheese down my pie-hole. Or maybe not.

About 4 or 5 bites from the end, my gut started to realize what was happening. It rumbled at me as if to ask, "What the hell are you doing up there?". I wasn't feeling as though I was going to hurl, but it wasn't exactly hitting the spot. More like smashing it with a 1,000-calorie sledge-hammer. I'm pretty sure the Double Stacker would be good, but the Quad is a heavyweight and I'm not fighting in that division quite yet.

But despite the onset of gut-rot, I finished Quadzilla. I'm not a believer in bulemia, but I was starting to see how you could make a case for it.


At the time of this post, it's been about 2 hours now since I polished off the Stacker, and it's still with me. In fact, it constantly reminds me that it's still with me. I'm sure I'll feel much less bloated as tonight's hockey game approaches. But I don't think I'll be recommending the Q-Stack on tomorrow's Best Bets. You need to be a Fast Food Black Belt to throw down the Quad, and I have clearly been weighed, measured and found wanting in that discipline. It has nothing to do with Burger King; I still give the King two thumbs up, especially the ads with the freaky-lookin', half-lifelike King turning up in strange places. But I need far more training to handle the Quad Stacker. Next time I'll be ordering Old Faithful - The Whopper.

Whistle Blown on Whistle-Blower

The message from NBA Comissioner David Stern is crystal clear. You want to make it personal? Then I'll make it personal as well.

Stern has suspended veteran referee Joey Crawford for the rest of the season and the playoffs for his actions in the Spurs-Mavericks game on Sunday. And I'm all for it.

Here's the Coles Notes:

Crawford threw Tim Duncan out of the game for laughing at a call while sitting on the bench. Duncan says Crawford asked him, "Do you want to fight? Do you want to fight?". Crawford denies that and contends that Duncan used profanity earlier in the game. Duncan, by the way, was fined $25000 for his part in the incident. But to eject a guy for laughing? Brett Favre would never make it past the first series. It's pretty obvious to me that Crawford decided to pull a powertrip on Duncan.

Should players be allowed to show up officials? No.

Is refereeing the toughest and most thankless job in all of sports? Yes.

But that doesn't give Crawford the right to make himself bigger than the game.

Other NBA officals think that the punishment for Crawford is too harsh. But we're not talking about a choir boy in Crawford. Despite the fact that he might be the best official in the game, he has been hauled into Stern's office before. Crawford crossed the line a couple of years ago in a Mavericks series where his officiating was obviously a reflection of his disdain for the Mavs at the time. And he is also a guy who resigned from his job after taking part in a scheme to pocket undeclared cash from downgrading his airline tickets in the late 90's. And when you've been warned before, it's tough to argue that you don't deserve whatever you get.

Crawford didn't just cross the line on Sunday, he long-jumped it. Fans do not pay to see the officials, and when a referee decides to make himself the star of the show, he needs a reality check. The NBA took steps this season to protect the zebras from verbal abuse from the players. I'm glad that Stern showed everyone that it's a two-way street.

Whimpers From Limpers

Apparently there is a shortage of crutches in the Lower Mainland. Hospitals and clinics are scrambling to find them. Why? Because of the rash of broken ankles in recent days.

I could not believe how many people were jumping off the Canucks' Bandwagon on Saturday in response to Friday's 2-0 loss to the Stars. I was shocked at how many people approached me yesterday with the attitude that the Canucks were pretty much done as far as the playoffs go. That the Stars were a far superior squad and it was just a matter of time before the local lads were swept aside.

Are you kidding me? After one loss? Give your head a shake people!

Am I going to guarantee you that Vancouver wins this series? No. But I will say this - did you think it was going to be a cakewalk? The west is so tight this year - 7 teams with over 100 pts - that I won't be surprised at any of the first round results. That being said, I think the Canucks are going to win the series. These two teams are a very good test for each other and I just happen to like the team with the better goalie at the end of the day.

But that's beside the point. The real concern is the amount of people who bail on their team when the road gets a little bit rocky. Yeah, I know. It's cool to wear the vintage jersey or t-shirt when the Canucks have won 4 in a row. But as soon as a little adversity hits, you start in with the "I told you these guys weren't very good" routine. Listen, whether it's the 'Nucks or any other team you root for, you should be at your loudest and proudest when the chips are down (which isn't even the case right now; it's 1-1 people!).

Which brings me to the atmosphere at GM Place. If you are truly a fan of the Canucks, you should be screaming your lungs out when they trail 2-0 in the 2nd. You should be the one getting your section to chant "Go Canucks Go" at that point. Do you really think they need inspiration or motivation when they grab a 5-2 lead? That arena was like a morgue for most of the 2nd period in Game 2 and for long stretches in Game 1. Do you want to be part of the solution or part of the problem? It drives me nuts when people rip Vancouver for having bad sports fans because I know a lot of you out there are diehards. So don't let the "Canucks are trendy so let's go to the game" people ruin your reputation.

I will admit that part of it is on the Canucks organization. I think they could do a better job with that sweet scoreboard and screen at the Garage to fire the crowd up. But until that happens (and with CEO Chris Zimmerman, believe me, they are going to make it happen), get on your feet and get behind the home side. Or don't bother calling yourself a Canucks' fan. Because there's nothing worse than sitting on the fence. All you get is a sore groin.

Wading into the Playoff Pool

So after a week-long hiatus to Cuba to talk to Fidel Castro about the possibility of importing a couple of new players for this summer's Headliners softball squad, I return from the sun to the ice. Yeah, the puck drops on the NHL playoffs tomorrow and 99% of the Great White North is salivating with anticipation. Most because it's the best hockey of the year, but many because of the investment opportunity known as the PLAYOFF POOL.

But before I dispense any advice, a couple of things.

1. Too much knowledge is a bad thing. I am fully convinced that there is an inverse relationship between knowing the numbers and winning a hockey pool. Chances are that the guy who picks players whose surnames remind him of Dungeons and Dragons beats the guy who can recall Pavol Datsyuk's Russian bantam stats. Or maybe you expected Cory Stillman to finish 2nd in playoff scoring last year. I think you get the point.

2. Think of the entry fee as a chance to rip the local loudmouth. You know the guy. There's one in every office. Most sentences start with, "Let me tell you how they should be handling Luongo..." or "If I was playing with the Sedins...". This is the one person you should NEVER take advice from nor partner with in your pool. But take notes on what he says during the draft because it will be good ammo in late May. The only thing you do know about this guy is that he will not win the pool. He should ask for a tax receipt upon paying his money.

So here's what I will say. Whether you want to put your money on a blue chip stock like the Sabres or a long shot like the Islanders, take two or three players from a TEAM you feel good about. Of the top 16 scorers in last year's postseason, only 3 were from teams other than Carolina or Edmonton. It's tough to win a pool with a player from every team. Half of your lineup gets whacked every round. Decide on a couple of clubs that you think will make deep runs and hitch your wagon to them.

And look for players who aren't known as big guns, but who play alongside them. Fernando Pisani won't be winning any Art Ross trophies any time soon. But he was getting powerplay time and playing on a line with a bunch of the Oilers' skilled players last year, so he picked up 18 points. The big names will always go first, but Matt Cullen had twice as many points as Joe Thornton in '06.

Finally, resist the urge to draft with your heart instead of your head. If it's the 13th round, go ahead and take a flyer on Alex Burrows if you really want. But drafting your favorite Canuck fourth-liner in the fourth round will leave you chequing Mel Kiper's NFL draft board in late April instead of adding up playoff points.

Of course this all comes from a guy who's in a no-win position in every pool he enters. If I win, it's because I'm a sports guy. If I lose, it's "What are you, an idiot? You talk about sports every day on the radio. How'd you lose to the coffee shop girl?". And if you read rule #1, you've got a pretty good idea of where I'll probably end up again this year. But that being said, I was swimming off the shores of Cuba this past week instead of watching the final week of the regular season. Perhaps wading in those warm waters with ice in my drink will have me treading water in this year's pools on ice.

And to those Clowns...

Who decided to leave a bunch of disgusting posts in the comments section. GROW UP. This is supposed to be a fun way to interact online with some of the listeners, not a forum for your X-rated humour. You want to use the internet like that, do it someplace else. You want to talk sports and good-natured humour, feel free to visit this blog.

GUESS WHO'S BACK...

No, it's not the Slim Shady. After a number of computer problems, this blog is back in effect and will be undergoing some noticeable changes in coming days.

It should be back up and running for the NHL playoffs, with regular posts and your comments. Sorry for the inactivity, it was computer-related.