Not Ducked Quite Yet

Call me crazy (and I'm sure many of you will), but having watched the Canucks lose 5-1 in Anaheim, I actually think they have a better chance of winning this series than I did 24 hours ago. Before you ready the straightjacket, just hear me out.

The Canucks had plenty of chances. No, they didn't bury them, but the Ducks were ceratinly not suffocating defensively. Maybe 7 games with the Stars convinced me that Markus Naslund would need to trade his first-born for his club to get offensive opportunites, but it appears as though Anaheim will afford the Nucks more chances to score than Dallas did. Vancouver could easily have scored 4 goals in Game 1. Just ask Henrik Sedin.

Roberto Luongo can be better. I know he's the best goalie on the planet right now, so don't send hate mail. But despite a number of Luongo-like saves, I think most people who've followed this team all year would admit that he can raise his game another level from the opener. He has the ability to shut the door on any team, even one as talented as Anaheim that generates numerous chances each night. This guy is bulletproof when he's at his best.

Black-and-Blueline. Yes, injuries are part of the playoffs. But take Pronger and O'Donnell out of Anaheim's lineup and see how well they fare in their own end. I know. Neither Bieksa nor Salo is Chris Pronger, but the effect on the blueline is comparable. If numbers 3 and 6 can return in a hurry, the Ducks will have fewer quality chances to beat #1. And both d-men can provide offense that would help a powerplay that went 0-7 in game 1.

Now even if all of these things happen, the Canucks might be putting into a cup instead of raising one in the near future. All I'm saying is that they aren't as much an underdog as I originally anticipated. I still think Anaheim is the team to beat in the series, but having witnessed the opener, I'll be less surprised if Nucks pluck the Ducks.

Lucky #7

It could be Seventh Heaven for Canucks' fans tonight. Or the 'Nucks could commit the Seventh deadly sin in a series in which they've been fatally flawed on a number of occasions.

But here's the thing; outside of injuries, I'm convinced that none of the previous six games have anything to do with game 7.

Because for every argument you can make, there is a valid counter-argument. For example:

1. Dallas has all of the momentum. True. Having won games 5 and 6, the Stars should be confident heading into Game 7. But a similar momentum didn't result in a Canucks' win last Thursday when the locals had their first opportunity to clinch the series. And it didn't help the Canucks back in '04 after winning a triple-overtime thriller in Cowtown. They still lost Game 7.

2. Marty Turco has been unbeatable. Looks that way doesn't it? Turco has 3 shutouts this series (tying an NHL playoff record for a 7 game set) and he may actually have been better in the games in which he allowed goals. But Luongo has been as good or better than Turco and here's an interesting stat to consider. The Stars have not won a game in which the Canucks have scored. Will Turco shut them out again? Maybe, but I'm guessing no.

3. The Stars have shone in Vancouver. Dallas has won 2 of the 3 games in Vancity and narrowly missed winning the third as well. Plus the Canucks have dropped the last two game 7's they've played at the Garage. But history tells us that home is generally sweet. In fact, home teams have won around 64% of seventh games in the NHL playoffs.

You get the picture. So much happens over a seven-game series that when the 7th game evetually rolls around, you can make an argument for either team based on what has happened to this point. But the beauty of the playoffs is that it doesnt matter what you've done. It only matters what you do tonight. If the Canucks advance, do you really think people will harp on the fact that the Sedins have been invisible too often or that the powerplay is 1-for-28 in the first 6 games? Those stats and arguments are for teams that lose. And you can expect to hear them a lot if Vancouver bows out.

Does Rintoul Stack Up?

A fool and his tummy are soon parted. That's the moral of today's story.

For those of you who don't know, my morning producer, T-mart, and I made a bet earlier this week on Game 3 of the Wings/Flames series. T-mart, an unabashed Flames fan, would have to eat yogurt (which he has never tried and is admittedly frightened of) if the Flames fell at home. If they won, I agreed to ingest the biggest and greasiest fast-food burger T-mart could find. He decided on the BK Quad Stacker: four patties, four slices of cheese and 8 strips of bacon.
Thanks to a couple of rare gaffes by Niclas Lidstrom, you can see who lost the bet. But I wasn't that worried. Because even though I don't eat much fast food anymore, the Whopper had been my favorite growing up. This couldn't be that different, right?


Just after noon earlier today, T-mart and I approached the register and he ordered the burger.

"1 Quad Stacker and 2 diet cokes, please."

"Two diet cokes and what?" responded the cashier. She wasn't a trainee. She obviously had never had anyone order this monstrosity before. Another cashier came over to help her find the correct button to ring it in. (For future reference, if the company is advertising a burger on the sign behind the register, but the cashier has never even heard of it, it's probably a bad investment.)

During this time, I had engaged another cashier in conversation as I wanted to wear the Burger King crown while I completed my task. She wondered why I wanted the crown, so I explained that I had lost a bet and had to eat a Quad Stacker as a result.

"A what?" she asked. 2 of 3 regulars had never even heard of the calorie-fest I was about to devour. Not good. When I pointed out the picture on the sign, her only reply was, "Good luck with that, buddy."

A couple of minutes later, it was time for business. With T-mart snickering in the background with camera-phone in hand, I took my first massive bite (not that easy considering the height of the creation).

All I could taste was bacon. But it wasn't that bad overall. A couple more giant chomps and I was no longer tasting bacon - just four flame-broiled patties smothered in cheese.

T-mart was getting pretty giddy about that time as he himself was a bit freaked out by the asthetics of the Stacker. You can see by this picture that it's not the most appealing entree that you've ever cast your eyes on. It doesnt taste bad, but it's a whole lotta burger. And I'm not a whole lotta person.

But a bet is a bet, and I was determined to live up to my end of the bargain. At one point, I'm pretty sure that T-mart felt bad for me as I shovelled this mass of ground beef, bacon and cheese down my pie-hole. Or maybe not.

About 4 or 5 bites from the end, my gut started to realize what was happening. It rumbled at me as if to ask, "What the hell are you doing up there?". I wasn't feeling as though I was going to hurl, but it wasn't exactly hitting the spot. More like smashing it with a 1,000-calorie sledge-hammer. I'm pretty sure the Double Stacker would be good, but the Quad is a heavyweight and I'm not fighting in that division quite yet.

But despite the onset of gut-rot, I finished Quadzilla. I'm not a believer in bulemia, but I was starting to see how you could make a case for it.


At the time of this post, it's been about 2 hours now since I polished off the Stacker, and it's still with me. In fact, it constantly reminds me that it's still with me. I'm sure I'll feel much less bloated as tonight's hockey game approaches. But I don't think I'll be recommending the Q-Stack on tomorrow's Best Bets. You need to be a Fast Food Black Belt to throw down the Quad, and I have clearly been weighed, measured and found wanting in that discipline. It has nothing to do with Burger King; I still give the King two thumbs up, especially the ads with the freaky-lookin', half-lifelike King turning up in strange places. But I need far more training to handle the Quad Stacker. Next time I'll be ordering Old Faithful - The Whopper.

Whistle Blown on Whistle-Blower

The message from NBA Comissioner David Stern is crystal clear. You want to make it personal? Then I'll make it personal as well.

Stern has suspended veteran referee Joey Crawford for the rest of the season and the playoffs for his actions in the Spurs-Mavericks game on Sunday. And I'm all for it.

Here's the Coles Notes:

Crawford threw Tim Duncan out of the game for laughing at a call while sitting on the bench. Duncan says Crawford asked him, "Do you want to fight? Do you want to fight?". Crawford denies that and contends that Duncan used profanity earlier in the game. Duncan, by the way, was fined $25000 for his part in the incident. But to eject a guy for laughing? Brett Favre would never make it past the first series. It's pretty obvious to me that Crawford decided to pull a powertrip on Duncan.

Should players be allowed to show up officials? No.

Is refereeing the toughest and most thankless job in all of sports? Yes.

But that doesn't give Crawford the right to make himself bigger than the game.

Other NBA officals think that the punishment for Crawford is too harsh. But we're not talking about a choir boy in Crawford. Despite the fact that he might be the best official in the game, he has been hauled into Stern's office before. Crawford crossed the line a couple of years ago in a Mavericks series where his officiating was obviously a reflection of his disdain for the Mavs at the time. And he is also a guy who resigned from his job after taking part in a scheme to pocket undeclared cash from downgrading his airline tickets in the late 90's. And when you've been warned before, it's tough to argue that you don't deserve whatever you get.

Crawford didn't just cross the line on Sunday, he long-jumped it. Fans do not pay to see the officials, and when a referee decides to make himself the star of the show, he needs a reality check. The NBA took steps this season to protect the zebras from verbal abuse from the players. I'm glad that Stern showed everyone that it's a two-way street.

Whimpers From Limpers

Apparently there is a shortage of crutches in the Lower Mainland. Hospitals and clinics are scrambling to find them. Why? Because of the rash of broken ankles in recent days.

I could not believe how many people were jumping off the Canucks' Bandwagon on Saturday in response to Friday's 2-0 loss to the Stars. I was shocked at how many people approached me yesterday with the attitude that the Canucks were pretty much done as far as the playoffs go. That the Stars were a far superior squad and it was just a matter of time before the local lads were swept aside.

Are you kidding me? After one loss? Give your head a shake people!

Am I going to guarantee you that Vancouver wins this series? No. But I will say this - did you think it was going to be a cakewalk? The west is so tight this year - 7 teams with over 100 pts - that I won't be surprised at any of the first round results. That being said, I think the Canucks are going to win the series. These two teams are a very good test for each other and I just happen to like the team with the better goalie at the end of the day.

But that's beside the point. The real concern is the amount of people who bail on their team when the road gets a little bit rocky. Yeah, I know. It's cool to wear the vintage jersey or t-shirt when the Canucks have won 4 in a row. But as soon as a little adversity hits, you start in with the "I told you these guys weren't very good" routine. Listen, whether it's the 'Nucks or any other team you root for, you should be at your loudest and proudest when the chips are down (which isn't even the case right now; it's 1-1 people!).

Which brings me to the atmosphere at GM Place. If you are truly a fan of the Canucks, you should be screaming your lungs out when they trail 2-0 in the 2nd. You should be the one getting your section to chant "Go Canucks Go" at that point. Do you really think they need inspiration or motivation when they grab a 5-2 lead? That arena was like a morgue for most of the 2nd period in Game 2 and for long stretches in Game 1. Do you want to be part of the solution or part of the problem? It drives me nuts when people rip Vancouver for having bad sports fans because I know a lot of you out there are diehards. So don't let the "Canucks are trendy so let's go to the game" people ruin your reputation.

I will admit that part of it is on the Canucks organization. I think they could do a better job with that sweet scoreboard and screen at the Garage to fire the crowd up. But until that happens (and with CEO Chris Zimmerman, believe me, they are going to make it happen), get on your feet and get behind the home side. Or don't bother calling yourself a Canucks' fan. Because there's nothing worse than sitting on the fence. All you get is a sore groin.

Wading into the Playoff Pool

So after a week-long hiatus to Cuba to talk to Fidel Castro about the possibility of importing a couple of new players for this summer's Headliners softball squad, I return from the sun to the ice. Yeah, the puck drops on the NHL playoffs tomorrow and 99% of the Great White North is salivating with anticipation. Most because it's the best hockey of the year, but many because of the investment opportunity known as the PLAYOFF POOL.

But before I dispense any advice, a couple of things.

1. Too much knowledge is a bad thing. I am fully convinced that there is an inverse relationship between knowing the numbers and winning a hockey pool. Chances are that the guy who picks players whose surnames remind him of Dungeons and Dragons beats the guy who can recall Pavol Datsyuk's Russian bantam stats. Or maybe you expected Cory Stillman to finish 2nd in playoff scoring last year. I think you get the point.

2. Think of the entry fee as a chance to rip the local loudmouth. You know the guy. There's one in every office. Most sentences start with, "Let me tell you how they should be handling Luongo..." or "If I was playing with the Sedins...". This is the one person you should NEVER take advice from nor partner with in your pool. But take notes on what he says during the draft because it will be good ammo in late May. The only thing you do know about this guy is that he will not win the pool. He should ask for a tax receipt upon paying his money.

So here's what I will say. Whether you want to put your money on a blue chip stock like the Sabres or a long shot like the Islanders, take two or three players from a TEAM you feel good about. Of the top 16 scorers in last year's postseason, only 3 were from teams other than Carolina or Edmonton. It's tough to win a pool with a player from every team. Half of your lineup gets whacked every round. Decide on a couple of clubs that you think will make deep runs and hitch your wagon to them.

And look for players who aren't known as big guns, but who play alongside them. Fernando Pisani won't be winning any Art Ross trophies any time soon. But he was getting powerplay time and playing on a line with a bunch of the Oilers' skilled players last year, so he picked up 18 points. The big names will always go first, but Matt Cullen had twice as many points as Joe Thornton in '06.

Finally, resist the urge to draft with your heart instead of your head. If it's the 13th round, go ahead and take a flyer on Alex Burrows if you really want. But drafting your favorite Canuck fourth-liner in the fourth round will leave you chequing Mel Kiper's NFL draft board in late April instead of adding up playoff points.

Of course this all comes from a guy who's in a no-win position in every pool he enters. If I win, it's because I'm a sports guy. If I lose, it's "What are you, an idiot? You talk about sports every day on the radio. How'd you lose to the coffee shop girl?". And if you read rule #1, you've got a pretty good idea of where I'll probably end up again this year. But that being said, I was swimming off the shores of Cuba this past week instead of watching the final week of the regular season. Perhaps wading in those warm waters with ice in my drink will have me treading water in this year's pools on ice.

And to those Clowns...

Who decided to leave a bunch of disgusting posts in the comments section. GROW UP. This is supposed to be a fun way to interact online with some of the listeners, not a forum for your X-rated humour. You want to use the internet like that, do it someplace else. You want to talk sports and good-natured humour, feel free to visit this blog.

GUESS WHO'S BACK...

No, it's not the Slim Shady. After a number of computer problems, this blog is back in effect and will be undergoing some noticeable changes in coming days.

It should be back up and running for the NHL playoffs, with regular posts and your comments. Sorry for the inactivity, it was computer-related.

Let's Make a Deal

Well, it's time of the year when hockey prognosticators make their fearless predictions about which teams will win the Stanley Cup and why Johnny Canuck or Joe Maple Leaf will lead his team to victory next June. I'll spare you the time and let you in on a little secret.

Newsflash: You don't have to have a Stanley Cup contender on Day 1 of the season. I don't know much, but I know that to be true. Sure, there's teams that are in better position than others when the puck drops at the start of October, but this is a marathon not a sprint.

Here's what we learned about the NHL last year. Skating and special teams count for a lot more than they used to. Thanks, Sherminator, real enlightening. Here's what else we found out: you just have to play well enough to be in playoff contention come the end of February. That's when the good teams make their move for the postseason.

The NHL's frozen four - Anaheim, Buffalo, Carolina, and Edmonton - all had those things in common last year. Yeah, they skated well and killed penalties, but with the exception of the Sabres, every team upgraded at the trade deadline. Anaheim brought in Jeff Friesen and Sean O'Donnell to add speed and shore up its defence. Carolina added more firepower in Doug Weight and Mark Recchi. Edmonton picked up Rolly the Goalie from Minnesota and also acquired Sergei Samsonov. The Oil had already made deals for Jaroslav Spacek and Dick Tarnstrom. If the Sabres would have added those two defencemen, they might have been parading around with Lord Stanley's oversized chalice last June.

Bottom line is this. All you really need is a team that can keep its head above water for the first four months of the season. That's when the X-factor comes in. With the type of game that hockey is, I'm confident that a good GM can make the biggest difference late in the season. In the NFL, it's coaching that turns the tide as teams have a week to prepare and change schemes in between games. In the NHL, it's the GM that pulls the trigger on a deal to enhance his team's current personnel that makes the pendulum swing.

It's nice to have Barker's Beauties adorning the media guide of your favorite NHL club. But if you've got Monty Hall in the front office, you'll be watching hockey in June.

The Philly Fanatic and Gilligan

Good thing the lockout taught everyone a good lesson in finances. The "salary cap", "revenue sharing" and "the good of the game" have been the buzz words around hockey for the past year. But in one day, that Tony Robbins-like message has suffered a major blow.

Let's start with Bob Clarke signing Ryan Kesler to an offer sheet of $1.9 million for the coming season. If the Canucks don't match it, they get a 2nd round pick in compensation for Kesler, who was a 1st round pick. Doesn't take a genious to figure out that Kesler will remain a Canuck. And forget about a sign and trade with Kesler as league rules prohibit that.

So when Dave Nonis inks Kesler to that deal, Bob Clarke will have been successful in throwing the pay scale out of whack. 10 goals now equals nearly $2 million per. That's because Kesler will be entitled to a qualifying offer of $1.9 million again after this season. And then comparable Group 2 free agents can use Kesler's numbers to seek that amount in arbitration. If Kesler lights the lamp 25 times this season, that's not a big deal. But that probably means a hefty increase in icetime just to protect the financial interests of the Canucks and other teams with upcoming Group 2's. Nice job, Bob. Way to think this one through.

Some GM's are already talking about doing the same thing to the Flyers when the contracts of young guns Jeff Carter and Mike Richards come up. But that's the kind of thinking that led to Martin Lapointe's $5 million dollar deal under the old CBA. So does Clarke get away with this or do the GM's go after him? I'll put my money on Egos over Brains in this one.

And then there's the contract of Rick Dipietro. $67.5 million over 15 years. Some are saying the Islanders will look like geniuses if he turns into a top 5 goalie in the NHL. What if he doesn't? What if the team the New York braintrust puts in front of him is so bad that he gets shell-shocked from all of the red-light treatment he receives on a nightly basis? Then the Islanders have yet another albatross of a contract hanging around their collective neck. Remember the Alexei Yashin deal - 10 years, $90 million? That one runs until the end of the 2010-11 season. If Dipietro doesn't live up to his potential, who will trade for a guy with, say, 11 years left on his deal? The answer rhymes with the word "hero". So guess who'll be on the Island longer than the Skipper, Ginger and Marianne?

Ahhhhhh, myopia. You gotta love it. Good thing we missed a year of hockey for this.

This Tiger Tale's Far Fetched

Hats off to Tiger Woods for winning the PGA Championship, his second major of the year and 12th of his career. He is once again at the top of the golfing world, and the gap between 1st and 2nd is massive. But I've had about all I can take in the last few days in terms of where Tiger Woods fits in terms of alltime sports figures.

Tiger Woods is NOT the Greatest Athlete of Alltime.

Sorry to rain on your parade, Tiger fans, but I've seen way too much BS about Eldrick being better than Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, Jim Browne... the list goes on and on. Is that some sort of joke?

For starters, the greatest athlete of alltime is going to have to play a sport that's a little more physically demanding than golf. A lot of people will tell you that golf's not even a sport. I'm not one of them. But if you want to compare the physical demands of football, basketball, hockey, soccer, and a number of other sports to hitting a golf ball, you're seriously on the pipe. Mentally strenuous? No question. Pressure packed? For sure. Hand-eye cordination? Yep. But don't even try and tell me that a sport in which there's nobody else trying to prevent you from doing what you want (ie. playing defense) is home to the greatest athlete the world has ever seen.

If you want to pose an argument that Tiger is the Most Popular Athlete of Alltime, I'll listen.

Maybe you say he's dominated his sport to a greater extent than other athletes have dominated theirs. It's a decent and rational debate.

Hell, I'm even willing to hear that he's had more impact on the future of his sport than other athletes.

But that's where it stops. In my short lifetime, I've seen the likes of MJ, Bo Jackson, Gretzky, Barry Sanders, Deion Sanders - you get the idea - all perform feats that are FAR more impressive from an athletic standpoint than what Tiger is doing. And I don't even scratch the surface of what many of my elders have been able to witness. So stop with your Tiger worship in terms of this argument. You just won't sell me on it.

It'll take a couple more years to make it official, but Woods will go down as the greatest golfer in the history of the game. But unless I see him turn a swing pass into a 90 yard touchdown, dunk over Lebron James in the NBA Final or bat .450 and steal 105 bases in a season, he won't even come close to being in any argument I ever make for the greatest athlete of alltime.

Dog Dazed and Confused

Well, it's the dog days of summer... at least for a sports fan. Hey, I love the CFL and Major League Baseball, but both are at very undramatic points of the season. The CFL races heat up after Labour Day, as do the pennant races. And with NFL training camps just barely underway, the North American Sports Fan is in purgatory.

So what could happen to spice things up? Here's a few of my personal suggestions that just might turn the nightly highlight reel into "Appointment Television".

1. Tiger Woods plays a full round drunk with John Daly.
Just imagine the conversation as Long John regales Tiger with "Tales from the Winnnebago" as he urinates just off the sixth tee box. Tiger then drops a profanity-laced tirade on an over-exuberant fan for breathing during his backswing, and proceeds to play javelin with his 4-iron, the club he just hit to the first fringe. Who doesn't have enough personality now, Phil?

2. NASCAR holds "Beater Night at Daytona".
Everyone from Jeff Gordon to Matt Kenseth fires up a piece-of-crap car donated by 20 contest winners. Envision the hilarity of watching Greg Biffle's Gremlin trying to go inside of Jimmie Johnson's Yugo on turn 3 at 47 MPH. "Uh, oh! Tony Stewart has lost the rear panel of his #24 Pacer! He'll need to ducktape some aluminum siding on his ride at the next pit stop!" Plus, with NASCAR you know there'll be some drinkin' and fightin'.

3. Jared from Subway vs Bearded Canadian Tire Guy: The Cage Match
In a desperate attempt to revive their respective E-list celebrity status', the former commercial annoyances engage in a pay-per-view wrestling event. Jared has the obvious weight advantage, but what Mastercraft tool will Bearded Canadian Tire Guy bring into the ring? Winner gets a 15 second commercial that airs at halftime of CBC's Pacific Rim Table Tennis Challenge.

4. PBA vs Bass Fisherman Team Decathalon
Non-athletes involved in actual athletic endeavours. Imagine watching the "well-rounded" stars of professional bowling attempting to clear the 1.0 metre bar in the high jump. Or your average bass fisherman sizing up the flexibility of his rod for the pole vault. This would qualify as "Inspirational Television", as everyone at home saying, "C'mon, I could do that" would be right for the first time in history. Losing team must sign official documents confirming that their beloved hobby is not in fact a sport.

5. Monkey Roller Derby
Monkeys are just so damn hilarious. Whether they're laughing, swiping stuff or just trying to pee on each other, they always make me chuckle. So why not throw them on rollerskates and see what happens? I guarantee it's better than 95% of the crappy Reality shows on TV.

Those are just a few ideas to amp up the sports world every July and August. I'm sure you've got some ideas of your own, so feel free to suggest them in the comments section. While I'm waiting, I'll try and get ahold of the Bearded Canadian Tire Guy. Lord knows he's itchin' for another shot at fame.

Don't Ban Antonio... Yet

Joe Smith's impressive debut has Lions' fans giddy about BC's running game. With 138 yards on 16 carries, 26 yards receiving and 3 touchdowns in his debut as a starter, you can see why. But don't cast Antonio Warren loose just yet.

Has Warren been good this season? No.

Is Warren irreplaceable? No.

But here's why the Lions should keep him, at least for now. This is the same running back that ripped off 160 yards against the Argonauts in the 2004 Grey Cup. He's also the same guy that churned out nearly 2200 yards in combined yardage last season. And despite his well-publicized whiff against the Riders two weeks ago, he rarely misses a block. You just don't cut a guy like that after 1 impressive performance by his backup.

Remember Willie Hurst? How about Eddie Linscomb? Well, I do. Both cracked the 100 yard plateau for the Lions when each had a chance to start in the past few seasons. It was the only time either accomplished the feat. One performance does not a career make.

Joe Smith may prove to be the best back of the bunch. But even he knows that teams will be better prepared for him after seeing him tear up the Stampeders. Even though Smith made a heck of a touchdown catch in traffic against Calgary, Warren is still a more dangerous weapon in the passing game. Choosing Smith means choosing to alter the offense. Is that something the receiver-depleted Lions are prepared to do after one big game? And given Aaron Lockett's injury issues in the past, keeping a reliable returner in Warren sounds like a pretty good idea. Especially given Smith's fumble trouble on kickoff returns this season.

By turfing veteran corner Sam Young four games into the season, Wally Buono has already shown that he subscribes to the "What Have You Done for Me Lately?" theory. But patience is a virtue and until he gathers more evidence, he'd be best to exercise it with Warren.

Head-Butt No Shocker Even in Soccer

No, the red-haired Italian (25% by blood if you're scoring at home) is not here to gloat about Italy's World Cup win on the weekend. Like everyone else, I'm talkin' Zizou.

There's plenty of uproar this week about the Head-Butt Seen 'Round the World. Finding someone who condones Zinedane Zidane's violent decision to bulldoze Marco Materazzi is tougher than finding an NBA player without a tattoo. But for all of those saying, "I can't believe such a thing could happen!", give me a break. Sorry, but I'm just not surprised.

Before you rattle off Zidane's jaw-dropping resume of accommplishments (which includes a history of emotionally induced cards and suspensions, I might add), hear me out. If you look at the nature of professional sports on this planet, it's hardly surprising that this occurred. From Todd Bertuzzi's punch on Steve Moore to Ron Artest's foray into the crowd in Detroit to Bill Romanowski's facial assault on teammate Marcus Williams in training camp, sports is filled with appalling, violent transgressions.

Why? Pretty simple if you ask me. Most pro sports allow athletes to engage in actions that would land them in jail or at least significant trouble if they committed those actions in everyday life. A helmet and pads pretty much pass for a license to abuse an opponent. Don't believe me? Try facewashing the guy who budded in line at the bar and see what happens to you. Yet if a defenceman employs similar treatment to a forward deemed too close to the goalie, it doesn't even constitute a penalty in hockey. Or perhaps you want to pancake the dude holding an empty parking spot on a busy street while his pal pulls a u-turn to grab it. An assault charge in real life is a great block on a weak side toss.

The point is that pro sports already permit their players to cross lines that exist in the real world, so it's hard to gauge how these athletes will react in times of heightened agression. A guy makes a crude remark about your 10 year old daughter? You run him so hard into the boards that you take a 2 minute charging penalty. Try that on Granville street and you'd better call a lawyer. Is it any wonder that players who've been coached to physically impose themselves on one another end up pushing past the level of accepted violence on occasion?

That doesn't mean I condone Zidane ramming his noggin into Materazzi's chest. I'd like to think that an adult can shrug off any verbal ammunition fired his way. But I'm a realist, not an idealist. Sports is no different than any other walk of life. You've got your even-keeled folks mixed in with an element of hot-tempered individuals. So if you want to wave your finger at Zidane for his unforgettable melon-missile on Materazzi, go ahead. Just wipe the shocked expression off your face.

Getting That Quarter Back

Two wins in three games is nothing to hang your head about. But if you're anything like me, you're a little bit concerned about the BC Lions these days.

Some people will tell you that a win is a win. And I know that it's early in the season. But the Lions' lack of finish late in the game has me watching this team very closely. The fourth quarter collapse in Saskatchewan raised a few eyebrows. The near folding-of-the-tent against the Argos last Friday was nearly as disastrous. And though the Leos escaped with the "W", you have to wonder where the team's confidence is right now.

Don't get me wrong. When the Lions have been on, they've looked like the class of the CFL. Dave Dickenson is slashing up secondaries like an Enron exec shredding documents. Geroy Simon catching passes like Paris Hilton at Naval base in Siberia. And BC's D has gone through stretches where they've been stingier than the woman who works the media meal at BC Place (she treats each cookie on the tray like a child you're to trying adopt... good luck getting more than one).

But the lack of killer instinct in the fourth quarter is concerning. Sure it's early in the season and you want to be playing your best football after Labour Day, but the foundation for winning starts early in the year. Bad habits are tough to break. Let a team comeback and beat you once, and you start to wonder if it's going to happen again. Players need to feel that somehow they will find a way to get the victory, not the alternative. Athletes will tell you that winning is all about making plays. But really it's about confidence. When you've got it, those game-changing plays somehow get made. When you don't, they don't. It's that simple.

When the Lions travel to Edmonton this week, I guarantee that someone drops the "we need to play a full 60 minutes" when asked the monotonous question regarding the key to beating the Eskimos. But I'm more interested in seeing how they play the final 15.

Nonis Needs to be a Mathlete

Well you wanted it Vancouver. Now you've got it. Dave Nonis pulled the trigger on a deal that will see Roberto Luongo become the first marquee goaltender in the history of the Canucks. With all due respect to the likes of Richard Brodeur, Kirk Maclean and Dan Cloutier, Luongo is in the upper echelon of goaltenders. Don't believe me? Ask the likes of Wayne Gretzky, Kevin Lowe, and Pat Quinn - men charged with putting together the best team on the planet to play under the microscope at the Olympics. It's not just good PR that got Luongo on those teams.

So the Canucks have their puckstopper, now all they have to do is keep him. Luongo has been qualified at $3.2 million dollars but that deal expires at the end of this upcoming season. Both sides are eager to get a long-term deal done. And it's not going to be cheap. Luongo is expected to command around $7 million per season. And if the Canucks don't want to pay it, someone else will when Luongo becomes a free agent next summer.

So they'll sign Luongo (which they should) because you don't trade for one of the world's best goalies simply to trade him. Throw in Markus Naslund's contract and you've got $13 million spent on two players, a number that's a lot easier to stomach with the cap set at $44 million next season. Dan Cloutier will be traded now that Luongo's in town, meaning the Canucks will have 6 players under contract at $22.7 million. Dave Nonis has made it clear that he wants to be around $39 million to start the season, so you've got just over $16 million to play with. If you figure the Sedins will get long-term offers in the $3 million range and that Anson Carter should receive something in the low 2's, you've got $8 million left to sign anywhere from 12 to 14 players. Luc Bourdon gets his rookie deal, Nolan Baumgartner and Trevor Linden are most likely in the $650,000-$750,000 range and if Mika Noronen is your backup goalie, he'll make around the same. That's another $2.5 million on four roster spots.

So what do you have left and what do you need? $5.5 million, 5-6 forwards and 2-3 defencemen. If you keep Morrison and Naslund together, you'll need a right winger to play with them. Mark Parrish might not be a bad idea. He scored 29 goals last year but also made $1.9 million. If you could get him for a little bit less than that, it could be a good fit. That leaves you with four or five forward spots to fill on your third and fourth lines. On defence, Lukas Krajicek made just over half a million last season, and if he can play, the Canucks can probably get him for about $600,000. Nonis would still need another top four defenceman and those fourth line forwards.

Do you try to get a guy like blueliner Jay McKee for a couple of mill and then spend the remaining cash on young forwards aking the NHL minimum? Do you sign another forward with decent hands and take a chance with a couple of no-name (as of yet) defencemen? Whatever you do, you had better get guys who can skate. If this year's playoffs taught us anything. it's that speed and grit are at a premium in the "new NHL".

Dave Nonis has a plan and it all revolves around numbers. But the stats that matter more than goals and assists are dollars owed.

AV Should Make for Good TV

Alain Vigneault. The name doesn't exactly jump off the page at you like Scotty Bowman. But that's not to say the Canucks new bench boss won't do a hell of a job here in Vancouver. He's saying all the right things in his mandate to make the Canucks a hard working hockey team, which is all the Vancouver hockey fan has ever wanted. But most importantly to me, he insists he's not afraid to be frank when asked questions about the performance of both his team and players.

I don't want to hear that a guy who's paid to score goals is "doing a lot of good things out there" when he's mired in a 12 game goal-scoring drought. Don't tell me that "we're just getting a lot of bad breaks" when your penalty kill is giving up three goals every game. Praise them when they play well, but offer fair criticism when they underachieve. That's all I want and I think that's all most hockey fans want.

Vigneault says he will do just that. He says he won't attack players personally, but he will hold them accountable for their play. If that's the case, it should make for the kind of entertainment this market hasn't seen since Brian Burke left town. Some people can't stand guys like Tampa Bay's John Tortorella, a coach who has no problem with speaking his mind. "The Fonz" as he's often referrred to becuase of his uncanny resemblance to Henry Winkler, publicly ripped John Grahame after a brutal performance against the Senators during this year's playoffs.

"Three goals on four shots," fumed Tortorella after Grahame was ventilated by the Sens in the second period of Game 4. "I'm tired of the 25% rule. It's deflating. A save would be nice."

Is it throwing a player under the bus? Maybe. But Grahame was brutal in that game, and whether you like the Fonz's comments or not, he was telling the truth. I've got more respect for a guy that's honest than a guy who shields his players from any type of criticism by using cliche excuses to justify subpar performances.

Tell it like it is and don't make it personal. If that's what Alain Vigneault is bringing to the Canucks, then bring it on.